Several Gordon students have come forth with shocking accounts of an enigmatic creature they witnessed on Coy Pond in the past several weeks. These reports are so outrageous, so astounding, so alarming, that the history of Gordon College shall hereafter be partitioned into two distinct eras: that which took place before the creature, and that which shall take place after. The names of these eyewitnesses would live in infamy, if of course they had not elected to remain anonymous. They expressed, rather unanimously, that they did not wish to partake of the fame that a discovery such as that of the creature would typically entail.
The first student describes an incident wherein he was running along the margin of Coy Pond at the stroke of midnight when he beheld a dark, frightening shape dive into the water. A true blue Australian to his very core, he immediately understood it to be the ferocious bunyip of legend, terror of the billabongs. Yet other witnesses disagree with this identity; another student swears on her life that she perceived the same beast but recognized it correctly as the horrid skunk ape, denizen of miry swamps. A GOPO sketch obtained by speaking to the student portrays a brown, vaguely four-legged shape, which, we’d contend, is more than impressive considering the distance at which it was observed and the witness’s crippling cataracts.
This sketch remains the most accurate representation of the creature’s likeness yet produced. A photograph taken by one eyewitness that apparently depicted the creature as an enormous black rectangular mass was later dismissed after it was revealed that it was taken while the camera’s lens cap was still equipped. Another alleged photograph depicting the creature as closely resembling a family of four posing in front of the Susan B. Anthony house was also discarded after it was suggested that the student may have mistakenly attached a photo from
his recent family trip to Rochester, New York to the email instead of the picture of the monster. The Tartan reached out regarding this potential error but found the student unavailable for comment. In response to this, one of our reporters said that the creature must have gotten to him, which would be totally scary if true.
Three more students who had observed the creature tragically wrecked their car in their haste to meet with this reporter to discuss their story, and are all currently suffering from amnesia, no longer able to recount the creature’s appearance in any greater detail than that it was ‘dreadful’ and ‘larger than a breadbox’. In lieu of this revelation, GOPO has striven to catch unknown entities and compare their size to a breadbox, but efforts have been thus far in vain, as the creature has continued to defy all traditional methods of capture. Authorities’ attempts to drain Coy Pond proved similarly fruitless after it was discovered that there were far fewer sponges and buckets on hand than was previously believed. The creature is, as of now, still at large. Students are discouraged from endeavoring to apprehend the creature themselves, as doing so could be dangerous, unless, of course, they truly believe themselves capable of the act, in which case authorities say, ‘go for it.’
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