February 20, 2020

Love Column 12/13

Gabriella Picarello '21 - Relationship Columnist

Q: How do I gauge if a guy likes me or would be open to hanging out without seeming desperate or like it’s so obvious I like them it makes things awkward? How do I initiate conversation when in actuality I have no reason to talk to them necessarily?

 I like my men the way like I like my papers, well researched. I’m not saying don’t do your preliminary research, but it is difficult deciphering other people’s emotions without directly asking them. That being said, there are certain signs that are pretty universal that you can look out for! 

Some signs your crush is into you (ew that sounded like a buzzfeed bite). 

Guys are physical creatures, and when they are crushing, they will initiate more intentional physical touch. I would look to see if he making excuses or situations that he is touching you in some way. If so he might be crushing on you! Check to see if he’s spending extended alone time together. Look into the type of communication you have with your crush — do you guys have inside jokes or flirty banter? If your communication consists of mostly inside bits it could be a sign that he is trying to make his time with you more memorable.

The way he looks at you is a big giveaway! Does he give you soft eyes? (this is a term I made up but it is so true!) Soft eyes are when you are looking at someone you’re crushing on and your eyes go into soft focus because you’re listening to them while also daydreaming and lost in thought about them. Gauging other people’s emotions is a dangerous game. It is always safer just to communicate effectively (as scary as it sounds).

 If I were you, I would look for some signs and if you feel the crush is more mutual than before, I would just go for it and tell him how you feel. There’s no use wasting time. If he isn’t catching on you can always use these signs to be more intentional in letting him know how you feel. Initiating conversation can be really difficult, I say start with school.  Checking in on finals or class work can be a really safe conversation starter that you can segway into something more banter based. If you guys are already friends, common ground is about to become your best friend. Check in on their unwrapped on Spotify or other fun things you guys have in common. They will see that you’re making an effort and hopefully will double as a way to get to know them better. 

I know it may seem safer to be coy, but do not be afraid to be forward with your affection and be more bold. I bet you’re a real catch and if he doesn’t see that, it’s better to find out sooner than later. Rejection can hurt, but it can also push you in the right direction. You got this!

Q: What if he wants to settle down, but you’re a free spirit who can’t be tied down in their prime?

Understanding and communicating expectations is so important in all relationships. I think that it’s easy to push conversations like this away because “we are so young” and “we have so much time” or “oh he’ll change.” Well news flash, he won’t, honey. It’s really important to assess your values and aspects of your life you aren’t willing to compromise on. If this is a hill you’re willing to die on, then I would make that clear in your relationship. But, if this is more of a flexible belief that could be changed, I would really explore why it’s so important for you to be a free spirit right now. I think that today’s culture heavily supports individualism even in committed relationships. Sorry, I just wrote a paper on this and it’s fresh in my mind. Individualism is appealing to almost anyone, especially women. There’s never been a better point in history to be a woman. Women are freer than ever before and CELEBRATED for it, which is awesome, so good. In my opinion, I think this ideology has swung so far to limit women to noncommittal tendencies that leave them feeling more trapped than they were before. Anyway, individual freedom in relationships rant aside, be honest about where you’re at and why you are there. Good communication is never the wrong move. Sounds like you will have a super fun DTR coming up. I’ll look out for ya on the DTR bench!

Q: Why don’t guys call back after an awesome date sometimes?

Because some guys think it’s more suave to be a jerk than to be honest. PSA to everyone: Dating “games” hurt everyone involved and take up space and energy that nobody has time for. 

Q: I’m 21 and still single. I don’t ever really try to date or “put myself out there” but is it time I start trying? Will I die alone? 

Dying alone is one of my fears too! There are plenty of ways to avoid that without jumping into a relationship out of a feeling of loneliness. It’s easy to feel pressured and like you have to put yourself on a timeline, but in reality, it’s about whether you WANT to be in a relationship or not. You never know what life and relationships will be like one year from today, and there’s no need to rush yourself! It is really important to explore your reasoning for entering a relationship. No healthy relationships start with a feeling of obligation. You are 21 years young and have your entire life to find someone you want to share it with (or not? Maybe you’ll find out you don’t want to be in a relationship which is just as valid). For now, I would sit tight. Explore your options and maybe keep an eye out? If you get a strong hankering for a relationship, you can always explore online dating options or ask around! I’ve always found that people of interest show up when you least expect it, so keep your eyes peeled!

Have relationship problems and want to be touched by the cold wind of Lady Love? Submit your questions to: https://bit.ly/GCLadyLove

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